I’m about ten days out from knee surgery and healing is not proceeding as hoped. Just about everything is harder than it should be: walking, sleeping, straightening my leg, bending my leg, showering, getting dressed, respecting my limitations, simply feeling comfortable.
The night after surgery, I took myself through a yoga nidra practice. While lying in that hospital bed, the intention I am at ease came through strong and clear. That mantra has reverberated loudly over the last week and a half.
I was understandably nervous leading up to the operation. Would I understand the staff at the Swiss hospital? How would I react to the anesthetic? What if something went wrong? Would my limited German be enough to express myself?
Thankfully things went well, but there was a lot that felt uncertain and far beyond my control.
And now I can’t do much to alter my current state. Use crutches, repeat the super-easy-for-my-other-leg physio exercises, elevate my incredibly swollen knee, struggle into compression garments, take the prescribed medications, and, most of all, rest.
That last part is not easy. I am not content being unproductive. But, for now, I have to be. I must surrender to being well cared for. To my husband cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, walking the dog, refilling my water glass, squeegeeing the shower. To friends lending their support. For right now, I must let go of changing the sheets, preparing meals, even making my own coffee.
It is not easy being at ease. But it is easier than railing against reality. Taking it easy is far more beneficial than impeding my own recovery. The mantra I am at ease, reminds me that prudence and acceptance are both wise and necessary.
As a new year begins, this is my hope for all of us.
I wish you ease
I wish you ease in the current moment and in trusting that some answers can only be revealed in the fullness of time.
I wish you ease in uncertainty and change and upheaval. And ease when times are peaceful.
I wish you ease in being cared for and in supporting others. In gratitude and kindness and laughter.
I wish you ease in your breathing and in the beating of your heart.
I wish you ease in embracing who you are. And in your past, your present, and your future.