This time last week my nose was bleeding profusely, the result of septoplasty surgery some hours before. The surgery went exceptionally well; the surgeon was delighted, I had no adverse reaction to the general anaesthetic, and a recovery room nurse even called me “bright as a berry.” Everything from waking up at 5:30am that morning and not eating to pre-op prep through to walking out of the hospital was almost effortless – much easier than I thought it would be.
The recovery, however, was not as smooth as I had anticipated.
Being fearful is not generally well-regarded. Scared cats are looked down on. Courage and bravery are rewarded, nervousness and uncertainty are not.
I’m reminding myself that it’s okay to be scared.
I think that many people are ashamed when they feel afraid. There’s this thing in our society that you’re not allowed to feel scared. You have to be a man and put on a brave face, but we all have fears.
~Eli Roth
Director, producer, writer, and actor
There is validity in being scared. It’s a normal, reasonable sense of self-preservation that makes us fear physical pain, emotional hurt, the unknown, and all the things we can’t control.
I don’t have to push those feelings away. I can acknowledge them and let them resonate… and know that they don’t have to control me.
I can be afraid and still be brave.
Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you’re scared.
~Edward Vernon Rickenbacker
WWI fighter pilot
I picked up a book from the The Best American Travel Writing series because I thought it might be like the travel story anthology Not so Funny when it Happened, which contains some of the funniest writing I’ve ever read.
The Best American Travel Writing series is not, however, a collection of humourous travel tales. There are some light-hearted stories, but many of the accounts are pretty austere. Essays include trips to Rwanda, Bolivia, Cuba, Bulgaria, and India – and not the clean, shiny, touristy parts of these countries, but the squalid, corrupt parts that most tourists don’t see.
Tom Sleigh’s essay The Deeds hit me hardest. He wrote about Israel, Palestine, and the Palestinians living in Lebanon with a raw humaness that feels surprisingly non-partisan. Amidst the narrative, Sleigh brings up this idea that everyone involved in and affected by the conflict in the Middle East is a victim; that people can choose to see the grief of others and recognize that the people on the other side are victims as well. Compassion and understanding can arise from allowing for joint-suffering rather than portraying the other side as villainous This concept that plays out in less intense situations closer to home as well.
This quote stood out to me, particularly as I’d just had a mini-skirmish with someone where I felt victimized.
Once you refuse to see someone else’s grief and focus on your own grievance, it becomes far easier to reduce your rival victim to a villan — someone you need to protect yourself against and, if necessary harm before he can harm you.
In that mini-skirmish, I chose not to see the other person’s hardships and focus only on my own. I established an ‘us versus them’ scenario that meant the other person had to be the villan who was trying to destroy my way of life and impede my happiness (in a much more trivial way than in the Middle East), rather than a fellow victim. Although we were both victims in that neither of us were getting what we wanted.
That mental switch from seeing the other side as antagonistic and combattive to also victimized reminded me that there is room for both people to be suffering. Both sides can feel hurt, neglected, and frustrated. I do not have a monopoly on those emotions and someone else feeling the same way does not negate my hardship.
The next time a conflict arises with someone, I hope I’m able to avoid seeing them as the villan. To recognize their grievances and understand that they are not trying to worsen my life, but improve their own… exactly the same way I am.
Sweet peas mean summer to me. And while the grey skies in Vancouver (and the flooding in Southern Alberta) might suggest otherwise, summer has officially begun.
The day of equinox or solstice that marks the division between winter, spring, summer, and autumn rarely feels like the actual commencement of the season. This summer solstice is no exception.
But at least the grass is green in the Pacific Northwest, the flowers are out, and we don’t need to worry about watering gardens and lawns!
There are lots of summer solstice celebrations happening today – including one at Bound Lotus Meditation & Yoga Centre that preempts my regular yin yoga class tonight. No yin bliss tonight… and next Friday is the last of the month, which brings with it a sublimely soothing yin yoga session with guided relaxation and an extra-long savasana.
Hope the first day of summer is treating everyone well and that you’re able to join me for some relaxation on Friday, June 28 at 6:30pm!
Voter turnout rates in Canada continue to decline and I can understand why. It can be hard to follow politics, easy to believe that casting a ballot has no impact, and difficult to identify with political parties and candidates.
Organizations like Apathy is Boring encourage voting seemingly just for the sake of voting. Doesn’t matter if you know anything about the candidates or the issues… just cast a ballot.
While I’m not fully in favour of voting just because you can, I agree that voting is better than not voting. I like the idea of all voters being informed, but I know that’s not reasonable. Many people don’t want to be entirely engaged or don’t support the process. I believe that the best way to get people interested in the democratic process is by having them participate.
Voting is a pretty low-barrier method of participation. Casting a ballot is seriously easy (check out this video on what to expect when you vote) and doesn’t require policial affiliation or interest. It generally takes just a few minutes to mark your choice and you always have the option of expressing your frustration with the system by spoiling your ballot.
The number of spoiled ballots are reported to elections officials and if everyone who didn’t feel there was a good choice or who didn’t like the system spoiled their ballot, there would be a significant number of void votes. That would be a serious news story and a credible message to politicians that things are seriously wrong.
While I am politically engaged, I’m not strongly partisan. I have yet to find a political party or candidate that I wholeheartedly endorse – although there are many that I strongly disagree with! I tend to vote based on which party I think will do the least harm or which candidate seems the least nuts.
Image of Where to Vote cards from the Elections BC website. All rights maintained by original source.
I’m showing my non-partisan support for democracy tomorrow by manning a polling station. I’m serving as a voting officer in the North Vancouver – Lonsdale district (find your electoral district on the Elections BC website), where there are 23 different places to vote on Tuesday, May 14 – that’s a lot! If your Where to Vote card has my polling station on it, maybe I’ll see you there!
And if you can’t get to the polling station indicated on your Where to Vote card between 8am & 8pm on Tuesday, or simply didn’t get one, you can cast an absentee ballot at any polling station (Elections BC has more details). The sad part about casting an absentee ballot is that they’re not counted in the results that are reported on election night. It takes a while to get absentee ballots back to their proper electoral district, which means that they’re part of the final counts and can have tremendous impact in close races, but aren’t part of any nail-biting results reporting on election day.
Having worked at polling stations for previous elections, I’ve witnessed the enormous power that comes with voting. I’ve seen people who have moved to Canada from non-democratic regimes tear up as they cast their first-ever ballot. I’ve watched parents explain the process to their young kids (and let the kids drop their parent’s ballot into the box). I’ve even seen a teenager voting for the first time bring along his dad… who was also voting for the first time.
People seem proud to vote. I never know which way their ballot is cast, but I do know that voters are engaged in the political process and making an effort to have their voices heard.
The flurry of media coverage about the collapse of a Bangladeshi garment factory has me thinking about my own purchasing habits, specifically how differently I approach buying groceries and clothes.
I lean towards shopping locally for groceries. I enjoy getting fruits and vegetables from the farmers’ market or the neighbourhood green grocer and chatting with the vendors. I like knowing the staff at the butcher around the corner and asking for suggestions on what to have for dinner. I love that the counterperson at the bakery down the hill knows which bread is my favourite.
I also favour organic groceries whenever possible – although often the price differential shocks me into non-organic purchases! If organic isn’t viable, I’ll look for options that are locally raised or grown.
I’ll pick apples from BC or Washington over those from Australia or New Zealand. I’ll choose free-range eggs from a farm I could reach in under an hour instead of those trucked in from a different province.
Buying food from people I know, supporting stores where I live, and choosing organic and/or locally-grown options feels good.
When it comes to clothing, however, all of those considerations go out the window.
I prefer a more anonymous approach and almost entirely ignore questions of sustainability, ethical production, and support for local manufacturers and retailers. I blame it on a strong dislike for clothes shopping. I’d rather not spend time, effort, and money on finding things to wear – I want cheap and easy.
Instead of small boutiques with attentive salespeople, locally-crafted goods, and sustainable options, I head to H&M or Old Navy and try on a flurry of different styles and colours while interacting with staff as little as possible.
My dislike for clothes shopping feeds itself as I feel no connection with the items I end up taking home or the people who sold them to me. Grocery shopping satisfies not only my need to eat, but also helps me connect with my community.
In addition to limiting connections with those around me, not making conscious, deliberate choices when shopping for clothes encourages a larger problem of manufacturers not being accountable and transparent. I vote with my dollars when grocery shopping, but haven’t taken the same action when apparel shopping.
Frequenting smaller retailers that carefully select their suppliers and have salespeople who help me feel good about the process of clothes shopping could allow me to mimic the experience of grocery shopping; personal, local, and maybe even enjoyable!
