One set of friends just got married. My brother and his wife have their wedding anniversary today and my sister-in-law and her husband have theirs coming up. Seems like late-summer/early autumn are more wedding season than June (traditionally considered peak bridal month).
While writing a celebratory card, I came across advice for newlyweds my spouse and I created many moons ago.
While many years have passed since, these lessons still ring true. And maybe (hopefully) we’ve learnt even more since!
Ten things we’ve learnt from ten years of marriage
- Some time apart is good
As much as you love your spouse, you’re still your own person and you need alone time with yourself - It’s okay to judge
When your spouse has a whiskey sour with pancakes, it’s hard not to! But stay away from displaying contempt or being condescending – that’s just not nice - Just because you love each other doesn’t mean that you’ll always like each other
You can love someone and still be upset with their choices - Maintain separate interests
Don’t be the “We love Disneyland” couple; stay true to who you are and keep your own identities. You’ll also have lots more to talk about - Care about what’s important to your partner, but recognize it doesn’t have to become your passion, too
If it’s something you’re not into, try to consider about how happy it makes them and how much (or probably how little) it impinges on you - Being nice to each other in small ways is as important as the big stuff
A spontaneous foot rub or unexpectedly making breakfast lets the other person know that you’re thinking of them - Keep common courtesy alive
Saying please and thank you helps acknowledge your appreciation and prevents you from taking each other for granted - You didn’t pick your in-laws; you chose your spouse
Conversely, you had an inkling of what you were getting into when you finalized your choosing… and your spouse didn’t pick their family either - The best way to end a fight is to say “I’m sorry”
The best way to get to ten years is to mean it - People are happy to give advice on the perfect relationship; in the end it’s up to the two of you
Also known as: “Take this list with a grain of salt”
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Those feel as relevant today as they did 15 years ago!
Reading this made me smile. So true, and still so relevant today.
Now I’m tempted to write our own “Ten Things We’ve Learned from Ten Years of Marriage.”
Great list, Laura. We’ve been married 51 years (sounds impossible) ….I agree that time apart and separate interests are essential – as is having fun and being best friends.❤️